What is joy?
The Google definition of joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
I have found that joy is an inside job. It is your job to discover what makes you happy and to remove the things that keep you from joy. Nobody else can make you happy.
What gets in the way?
As a child and a teen I was depressed quite often. It was hard to feel happy, and when I did, it seemed to slip away from me quickly.
At the age of 19 I decided that I am sick of feeling crappy, so I’d do whatever it took to change my life to have more joy and happiness. It took some work to make my life joyful.
It took me a long time, but the biggest lesson I learned is that happiness is something I have to take responsibility for if I want it to be a part of my life.
If you, like me and many people, have experienced trauma or loss or disappointment, it is easy to fall into a state of feeling depressed, of not caring or not wanting to be around people.
You may feel a constant sense of anxiety (of something being wrong with you, others or the world). You may feel a sense of distrust and a lack of safety.
These feelings are normal, and they are what you must face and heal in order to develop joy and happiness for yourself.
This is self-care! It is the big picture of self-care, anyway.
Let’s break it down
Think for a few minutes about what brings you joy. There may be only a few things or there may be many things.
Here are some ideas, but think of your own as well.
- Petting your dog or cat
- Playing a game
- Seeing your friends
- Going for a walk
- Playing with your siblings
- Spending time with your parents
- Cooking
- Doing art
- Building something
- Listening to music
- Reading a book
- Cleaning and organizing your room
- Discovering something new
- Having alone time
- Going on an adventure
- Volunteering in a soup kitchen
- Spending time in your garden
Some things you do and feel joy after it is done, but not so much during. Can you think of some of those things?
Here are some ideas, but think of your own as well.
- Doing your homework
- Cleaning up after yourself
- Completing a difficult task
- Finishing a project you started
- Having a difficult conversation with a loved one
- Seeing a counselor
- Exercising
- Taking a cold shower
- Getting plenty of sleep
- Planning or organizing an event
- Trying something new
Now, pick two to five of your own items, write them down and do just one of them today.
Then pick a time at least once per day that you will devote to something that brings you joy. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, but you do need to do it.
Why not?
It is easy to do the things you think you have to do, or that other people are asking you to do, and put off the things that bring you joy until tomorrow. But if you want joy, you’ve got to make it important enough to spend time on.
You do need to cooperate with your family and teachers and people you work with, and it is equally important to take excellent care of yourself. Because when you do, you feel better, and when you feel better, it positively impacts everyone around you.
Remember, you can accomplish a whole lot by simply doing a little every day, so count even the smallest step.
